The ususal.
NeverShoutNever!
Trouble. ^ So good. Lizzie showed it to me. It's really amazing.
Happy birthday Hayley Williams [lead singer of Paramore].
And because I missed so many birthday posts...
Happy birthday Amy, Alana, and Rian Dawson [the drummer or All Time Low].
xxoo
Mall today.
Delia's gift card. =]
&& PACSUN too !
And Target, but they don't have one in this mall.
Update later.
iloveyouu..
The Maine never disappoints.
'Santa Stole My Girlfriend' from their new EP '...And A Happy New Year.'
My favorite Christmas song.
I want this EP so bad.
There's three other Christmas songs on it, and although I usually don't like them, The Maine is too amazing to pass up.
Merry Christmas day. Hope it's nice.
I'll try to update later.
xxoo
Emily & yoga today.
Emily makes me think and yoga give me too much time to think about too much.
She says I have to use “I statements” and so I was thinking about that in yoga.
And I came up with way to much, in no order.
But here’s what some of it was.
I’m a mess.
I’m totally scatterbrained.
I can’t remember things.
If something happens I’ll have to think about it for a long time before addressing it.
I’ll worry about it indefinitely.
I’ll think “what if…” a lot, and that makes me worry even more.
If something happens and it’s my fault, I’ll feel absolutely terrible about it.
If something happens that’s not really my fault, I’ll find a way to look at it so that it is.
That’s a bad habit, like biting my nails, but I keep doing it.
I know it’s bad, and that people might take advantage of it, but I trust people too much.
I only really, really trust about 5 or 6 people.
I’d only tell anything to about 3 of them.
I only trust one of them more than anything.
I cry far too much.
I don’t like crying in front of people, at all.
I have cried in front of people that I wouldn’t have chosen to cry in front of.
There are 2 people I’d cry in front of anytime.
Sometimes I cry over things that people think are stupid.
I cry when I watch Rent.
But I don’t think that’s a stupid reason, no matter what anyone else says.
I hold things in.
But I’ll be honest with almost anyone, as long as they me to be.
It’s not that I lie to people.
It’s just if I don’t feel like taking about something, or I can’t talk about it I’ll brush it off.
But if someone asks me to be honest, I will be.
I don’t know how to say things some of the time.
I won’t know how to put what I’m feeling into words.
And sometimes I can’t, and that makes me really frustrated.
Especially when it makes someone else think that I don’t want to tell them.
Then I just feel bad, because of course that’s not true.
Hugs always make me feel better.
Hugs are best if the person you’re hugging is about the same size as you.
As in height, and they can’t be too thin or too heavy.
I like hugging tall people though, second best.
I don’t like being alone anymore.
I used to, but I like being with people better now.
That makes me feel incredibly silly and insecure and dependent.
I hatehatehate feeling that way.
But I do.
So I can’t stand being alone.
I feel better if I’m with someone who makes me happy.
I love these people.
Someone who, when I’m with them, it seems like everything bad goes away.
The littlest and silliest things make me happy.
Pinkie Pie?
Waffles?
Mercy Spice and Christian Holiano?
Popsicles? Especially raspberry? 
They seem really silly, and people laugh.
(And call me a second grader.) =]
But these things make me smile, like a clever verse from one of my favorite songs.
I live off music.
Songs help me get through anything bad that happens.
I can have one line from one song stuck in my head that will repeat over and over, or a whole song that I’ve heard so many times it’s memorized, but either way, having something stuck in my head makes me feel stronger.
CDs are amazing.
Performances can be either fabulous or terrible.
They don’t sound the same as CDs.
Hearing something live is the absolute best though, because you can feel the bass from the song, and it’s so loud.
It goes right through you.
It seems like too much at first, but it’s really incredible.
I’m not sure how to finish this off, really, because this all seems so…unlike me.
But I was being totally honest through out the whole thing.
So, please, don’t mind what I’m trying to say, because I’m, I’m being honest.
Cartel-Honestly
Leave.
It.
Alone.
I'm sick of this.
Of all of it.
Of so many people.
Of all the stuff it's caused.
Of all the things people have said.
Of everything that's come of it.
And I don't understand some of it.
And it seems like no one gets that.
And some of it just makes me so upset.
CALIFORNIA?
of course not.
I hate studying.
I also hate all this.
It's like...Dramafest.
Only real.
I kinda just want everyone to go away.
Well, not everyone.
But some people, yeah.
I have to go study for science now.
loveyouu.
kinda.
xxoo
Maggie loves yoga.
And God.
And looking up books about poo.
Ahahaha she's crazy.
But I LOVE HER ANYWAYS !
Sorry I haven't updated in so long...
There is absolutely nothing like powerpop electronica music to make you feel like nothing can ruin you.
TheMedicDroid,JeffreeStar,3OH!3,Millionaires,HollywoodUndead,ChrisCrocker.
Unfortunately.
This is not true.
A lot of things ruin you.
But it's nice to feel like nothing could.
Sucked.
Dad.
Don't call me and tell me not to put that.
Because it mostly did.
Homeroom- People made fun of my voice. I gave Katay her present! Lizzie made me a Twilight shirt, and it is SO cute. I found out we had health, so I ran around frantically to finish my homework. As much as Macy has told me I sound like a smoker and a guy and my voice is weird, she always helps me and thank god.
Health- My number was a negative 3. My eyes were watering so I was like, crying. Mrs Cummings sent me to the nurse, who made me swallow a pill and gave me a breakfast bar. She's pointless. Lizzie was amazed because in the video we watched, the guy was killed when she was one day old. We tried on drunk goggles. Emily's a good drunk. =]
Spanish- I cried some more. Also made some weird noises. Talked about food with Julia.
Lunch- I don't remember. . India commented on how she wished some people would stay away. I agreed.
English- SISTER P SUBBED! I LOVE HER. We didn't really do anything though. I used a lot of tissues.
Study- She made us read for like, an hour. Really unfair. I had to go to the library, but she never told us when we could switch, so I couldn't. I kept putting my head down though. Too tired.
So I kinda used about a million tissues and cried the whole day. A lot of people hugged me. And some people were all, "You sound funny." Or "I think you're sick."
Everyone is so observant.
=]
xxoo
Everything from Photobucket. Random lines from random songs.
I was supposed to be at Nana's 8 minutes ago.
Ahh well.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Maybe I'll change shoes?
Hmm.
xxoo
Hey, its Elise, Alana's sister (!!!) here at her house, and she is randomly screaming "LET ME SEE YAH HIPS SWING!"...now she went to get food!! Her phone is ringing!! Oh Dakota!!!!
Hello, it's Kristi, Alana's cousin! Ugh! Alana's phone is ringing all the time!!! Anyway, we came here on Tuesday. Gav is reading the lightning thief, an awesome book!!
Erright, it's Alana now, and Kristi and I are trying this horrible candy that sticks to your teeth. Ugh. Elise and Kristi keep commenting on my deodorant...which is kinda weird, actually. You know, it occurs to me that a lot of people are sick lately and I just wanted to say FEEL BETTER! So I hope everyone that's sick, including Elise, who just coughed on me. (No, I did not.) Yes, you did too.
Now they're hearing things. Wonderful.
Anyways, we should probably be getting back to Nana's soon. Before they all go deaf.
xxoo
Everyone is here!
[Evan, Elise, Kristi, Auntie Lori, and Uncle Kirk.]
We are spending a majority of our time at Nana and Papa's house.
Auntie Kim and Gav are coming over later. And we are probably going to see Twilight later with everyone.
Again. =]
Bella's doing good, she's so quiet, but she's really cute.
Anyways, Elise wants to paint her toenails, so I have to go bring her nail polish.
xxoo
I hate Science fair.
I hate science homework.
I hate science class.
I hate science. Period.
I hate people who are too tall.
I hate people who don't smile enough.
I hate people who wear stupid patterned sweaters all the time.
I hate people who are too ridiculously skinny.
I hate people who can't have one decent pair of cute shoes and always wear the same stupid boots every day.
I hate people who are miserable.
I hate people who ruin my day just by seeing them.
I hate people who need to just lighten up.
I hate people who are just mean.
Maybe just one person.
Oh well.
;]
Today. Was pretty much uneventful.
I did homework in study.
I attempted to do robotics in computer. Not really, I just asked Katay for help a lot. She told me about theater. Hehe. Emily's hair looked pretty. Talked to Julia. Tested stuff with Emma. Found a book about waffles with Lizzie. <3
Lunch was whatever.
In Spanish we watched a movie about Spain. I almost fell asleep but Amanda made sure I was awake. Then we had to do some weird Thanksgiving word thing. Ashley and I were SO amazing at that. Ahahaha, not really.
In English we worked on stories.
BLAHH. NOTHING.
whatever.
xxoo
Yesterday was extremely fun!
I went to go see Twilight with Maggie, Mary. It was still amazing. Still bloody at the end. Still said the lines before they were said on screen. Still wished they made it longer. Oh well. =]
Then Maggie and I went to the mall and they got their hair straightened, and I got mine curled. By H! Who is going into the army, is from Israel, and speaks Hebrew. Their hair looked so pretty, though, and apparently I looked like a princess in mine.
We love those glasses. And you can't really see any of our hair, but that's okay.
After that Maggie and I bought some pretzels, got pulled over for speeding by a mall cop, and talked about recycling.
We went to Felini's for dinner. Maggie loved it. We learned to say no to drugs, and were told we had correct information. I don't really remember. We sent to Curiosities and met Jimmy! And his dog Aggie, who is so cute. Wendy, his wife, wasn't there though. Ahaha, Jimmy was so nice, in case you couldn't tell. He's going to Oregon next week!
But then, we went to go see Cast B of ACT do High School Musical! Finally, and they were so amazing! Katay wears lots of plaid, and argyle, and sweater vests, [FOUR were used in the whole production] but that's okay! Tori had cute jeans, Sam yelled a lot. Chessy was brilliant with the microphone thing, and Emily was really good too. Hayley was super good, and Ana was too. Pretty much everyone was. I had a cupcake. That was yummy. Maggie refused to give Marco a hug. I knew I loved her. Ahahaha, of course I do. =] I gave Conor a hug, because he sat right next to Maggie and I, and was very amused by us. You could tell by the way he kept laughing. Not even while the show was going on, just by us being us. But he was very nice, and he let me give him a hug. There was also a kid we sat near that had blue hair, who's name, we found out, was Adam. He was nice too, a bit surprised and scared looking. But he also let me give him a hug. Ahahaha, I hugged about everyone there. But sadly, we finally had to leave.
We went to Nana's to see Bella, her new dog, who I don't have a picture of yet. She's so adorable, and I promise, I'll get a picture soon.
I have to decide what to wear now.
♥ xxoo
Late, I know. The Woodie awards were on November 19th this year, and there were some really good performances and winners, and definite unfairness for the people who should've won but didn't.
Paramore won Woodie of the Year which I was happy about, because they were my first choice! So good for them! They really are amazing.
There For Tomorrow won the Breaking Woodie, which you know, whatever, good for them. But All Time Low fersure should've won. Fersure. But you know, All Time Low got to preform two songs, and There For tomorrow did none, so HAH.
Nothing has happened.
School. Is. Terrible.
-I want to just say "KEEP IT POSITIVE, JAKE." Because. Well. You know.
-I've discovered most of the 6th and 7th graders are absolutely no fun at all. [Except for Sophie, and India, and Claire, because I love them.]
-Emily has tried to have me tell her what happens in New Moon.
-Macy keeps calling me and pretending to be someone else.
-Katay's hair looks really pretty when she wears it down.
I have no idea what else.
xxoo
For me to explain how excited I am right now.
There are TWO days.
And I can't wait.
[From left to right: Alice, Emmett, Bella, Edward, Rosalie, and Jasper.
eep!
Ahaha. That was weird.
I am exhausted.
Jas has gotten so big.
Right now. I am with. MAGGIE CARA!
YOU ARE SO JEALOUS!
And we are listening to Legally Blonde. And she is dancing around and singing.
What else is new?
And now shes doing yoga. Slash Irish step dancing.
She wants to go play a board game now. =]
We played Life.
And watch Mariah Carey on Cribs.
I have to do a blog about last weekend now.
xxoo
Today....
I saw a girl on a stretcher. And an ambulance and a firetruck. She passed out on the floor.
And um. Lunch was intense.
Uh. Amy sucked the helium out of Lizzie's balloon.
Mariana, Lizzie and I sang some fun stuff.
I played with Greta's key.
I have no idea. Ahaha. Fun.
xxoo
Paramore's video for 'Decode' came out Monday. I kinda like it. The part where Hayley's just gazing into the camera and singing are kinda creepy. Josh playing the guitar is fun. Jeremy running through the woods is weird. Zac hiding behind trees is just kinda odd. Edward and Bella are randomly in there. Which is fersure okay. But it definitely warrants a watch, though.
Homeroom today wasn't the best. Mrs. V wasn't here, so Mrs. Ross had to sub for our homeroom teacher. I looked at the new AP with Steph and then went and talked to Alana for a little bit.
History was way boring. We had to read about the Salem Witch Trials. Do you have any idea how sick I am of the Salem Witch Trials? After History Day and all. And then we watched a video about them too. The girls in the video screamed a practically dog-whistle scream every five seconds, and one of them was supposed to be having a spaz in the bed and she was like twitching and it was quite funny. Greta kept making fun of it. Lizzie decorated my planner with a ton of bands names, all of which she wrote out herself, and it looks quite pretty. I'll get a picture later. I just read Diondra's AP. There was a full page Twilight ad. =]
Religion we got screamed at half the class. We were told some of us "didn't belong in this class," meaning we're not honors level. Julia and I shot each other skeptical looks. Not much.
Lunch was...let's just say that I just adore Erica and Abbey. I really do. Jes came over and told us how much she liked our table. She had some of my soda and my pizza. She talked to Chessie about Marco.
Highschool tours were fun. We learned which way toilets flushed, I was shoved into a classroom, we saw Erica's mum, I got a dirty look for using hand movements, we got snacks! A ton of stuff happened.
Anyway, I have a killer headache.
xxoo
Maggie's house yesterday was superduperfunfunfun!
I went early to watch Legally Blonde The Musical, with Laura Bell[!], so we could compare it to when we saw it with Becky.
So yesterday morning during homeroom we had to go downstairs to the cafeteria to me our 'little sisters,' although I find that term incredibly stupid. Since there were more of us than 6th graders, I got partnered with Caitlyn and out little 6th grader's name is Adriana and I love her! I wanted Sophie or India, because they are my other two favorite sixth graders, but that's okay. Anyway, Adriana was wicked fun. I felt bad for Erica and Kayla though, we sat at their table and their little kid didn't talk. At all. Erica was like "So...um....do you wanna talk? Or do you want us to ask you questions?.....Or....um....yeah." So that wasn't fun for them. But I liked Adriana and we spent a lot of the time talking about people. Well, Erica and I did that too. It was fun.
And...the 6th graders are kinda growing on me.
Well, Sophie, India, and Adriana anyways.
Today did not start out to be a good day. I didn't really get up until 6:45, and I had to catch the bus at 7, so I was in a mad rush to get ready before then. And I forgot flats! I was so upset. But Steph brought me some, so I didn't get in trouble thank god.
Homeroom- . I was in the computer lab typing stuff most of homeroom, but when I got back Abbey and Chessie gave me this weird High School Musical strawberry-chocolate-pop rocks thing. It was yummy. I also fell on my bum in the hallway because the flats I was wearing were so slippery. I fell like 5 times today, and people laughed at me. But Macy was nice, she helped me up.
Health- We got lollipops! Yum! Raquel said something ridiculously funny, but I can't remember what it was.
Spanish- I wanted to press the panic buton the Sister Perpetua's computer but Abbey told me not to because it would set of the fire alarms, so then I told Raquel I'd give her a dollar if she did it. But then I got scared, so I kept trying to stop her and then Raquel told Emma, and Emma just laughed. And in the end it turned out it wasn't even connected to the computer. It was just taped on. We were very sad.
Lunch- I forget. I talked to India! Ahaha we talked about shoes. I love her. Diondra bought me soda. I gave Erica and Emily little pumpkins. I talked about stuff with Jes. I have no idea.
English- Talked about Australia with Hayley. Talked about wallababies with Rachel. Nothing, really.
Study- On the way to study I kind of shouted to Erica that she was amazing and her birthday is four days after mine and she was all "Yes!" In study I wrote in a bunch of people's planners when my birthday was. Hannah drew a pretty picture in Maggie's. I talked about Twilight with Mariana. =]
Today...wasn't as bad as I thought.
xxoo
310-56
Mariana is so funny. This is us talking on AIM. [Without our actually screen names, duh, because we don't want stalkers.]
Today.
Homeroom- I was threatened by Mrs. Thompson. I listened to my iPod, and took an AR test. Homeroom just screams excitement.
Study- Um. I laughed at Hannah's book. Greta helped me with my Spanish homework. MARIANA IS READING TWILIGHT! I'm so proud of her! She was like "I think I'm going to fall in love with Edward."
some nights
when it's late
and i'm half asleep
music blasting through my headphones
something loud and angry or soft and sad
acoustic makes all the difference
i'm sad
i'm horrible
i'm confused
some nights
i wish a hundred times for everything to be okay
i wish a thousand times to fix everything, and for nothing to break again
i wish a million times not to loose you, because that would hurt too much
i wish too much, but sometimes wishing seems like the only way to make it work out alright
some nights
i think of differences
i think of fakes
i think of mistakes
i think of goodbyes
i think of you
i think of everything and more
some nights
i dream of leaving here
i dream of running away from this, from everything
i believe metro station when they say if you drive all night you can reach california by the morning
i echo phantom planet in whispering 'california, california, here we come'
i know leaving won't help anything, but i can't help but dream
some nights
i just cry
i cry for a long time, until it feels like there's nothing left
i cry until all that's there is me and the huge salty ocean, and it feels as if i've forgotten how to stay floating
so i sink
some nights
i dread tomorrow
it seems like i have nothing to look forward too
i want to open the window, jump out and runrunrun
i trust we the kings, because if i ran, i'd never look back
i'd still want to be back for morning
i'm never sure what makes me want to come back, never full sure
some nights
i miss the way things used to be, and the way things were before that too
i miss you looking at me and running over when i'd walk down the stairs as if it made your freaking day
i miss hugging you, because it felt safe there, far away from everything else
i miss you
i miss you so much, and i'll think of how much you taught me and gave me
some nights
my head hurts from all this
i'll have a stomach ache
my hands will shake
i won't be able to sleep
i toss and turn the whole time
then i'm dreadfully tired
some nights
i do sleep
i think i might dream, but i can never remember
it always seems as if i'm forgetting something when i get up
some nights
my iPod plays through all of this
i'll fall asleep listening to music
there's a song in my head that reminds me of most of these things
there's a song for everything, some nights
The acoustic versions of some really good songs.
Come Around-Sing It Loud
Three Cheers For Five Years-Mayday Parade
Pressure-Paramore
They are all really good, so fersure give them a listen.
xxoo
BARACK OBAMA!
Sung by The Hush Sound.
[Notice, the outline of the video is PURPLE. Just like the brand new shoes Abbey and I got!]
xoxo
306-59 & 25 days to Twilight !
this is what i meant the other day, sweetie.
i wouldn't.
and i know it's my fault.
but god.
[ily]
305-60
Hey everyone its Abbey, (or Bobby...) and I have officially taken over Alana's blog for today! Well. Fer right now anyway.... Yea ok so its 1:00 am. So what? I am a rock star! (Sorry. I'm a bit loopy when I'm sleepy.) Right now we're eating orange popsicles!
Today was fun.
Granted the only few things I can remember are:
-Maggie and I singing Legally Blonde in the hallway and then being all "SNAPS! First day of HARVARD!"
-Edy and I talking about what kind of cars we wanted at the end of the day. She wants a black Porche, because Kevin Jonas has a white one, and I want a black Lamborghini like Batman, with the motorcycle and everything.
-Kayla being all "Wait, is that why salt is called sodium chloride?" And me being all "Even Hannah got that. No offense Hannah." And Hannah being all "Nope, none taken."
Um.....yeah. That's it. I don't remember anything else.
But it was a good day.
What's scary is when I realize I don't know if I can trust you.
When you get mad at me, and it makes me crazy.
When I'm not sure how to say things, even though I should.
It's scary when you're there and you're not at the same time.
When you have me second guessing myself.
When it feels like you don't care.
It's scary when it feels like you're the Vivienne to my Elle.
The James to my Bella.
The Benny to my Maureen.
What's really scary though, is when I say 'i love you' and you don't say it back.
I don't even want to describe that.
This song is SO GOOD. Lizzie showed it to me, and it's adorable.
Rainbow Veins - Owl City
Other than that...I hate school. So much, god you have no idea. The Spanish Project is terrible, Science Fair is horrid, and I'm ALWAYS tired.
[ily]
