Please, Don't Mind What I'm Trying To Say Because I'm, I'm Being Honest

Emily & yoga today.

Emily makes me think and yoga give me too much time to think about too much.

She says I have to use “I statements” and so I was thinking about that in yoga.

And I came up with way to much, in no order.

But here’s what some of it was.

I’m a mess.

I’m totally scatterbrained.

I can’t remember things.

If something happens I’ll have to think about it for a long time before addressing it.

I’ll worry about it indefinitely.

I’ll think “what if…” a lot, and that makes me worry even more.

If something happens and it’s my fault, I’ll feel absolutely terrible about it.

If something happens that’s not really my fault, I’ll find a way to look at it so that it is.

That’s a bad habit, like biting my nails, but I keep doing it.

I know it’s bad, and that people might take advantage of it, but I trust people too much.

I only really, really trust about 5 or 6 people.

I’d only tell anything to about 3 of them.

I only trust one of them more than anything.

I cry far too much.

I don’t like crying in front of people, at all.

I have cried in front of people that I wouldn’t have chosen to cry in front of.

There are 2 people I’d cry in front of anytime.

Sometimes I cry over things that people think are stupid.

I cry when I watch Rent.

But I don’t think that’s a stupid reason, no matter what anyone else says.

I hold things in.

But I’ll be honest with almost anyone, as long as they me to be.

It’s not that I lie to people.

It’s just if I don’t feel like taking about something, or I can’t talk about it I’ll brush it off.

But if someone asks me to be honest, I will be.

I don’t know how to say things some of the time.

I won’t know how to put what I’m feeling into words.

And sometimes I can’t, and that makes me really frustrated.

Especially when it makes someone else think that I don’t want to tell them.

Then I just feel bad, because of course that’s not true.

Hugs always make me feel better.

Hugs are best if the person you’re hugging is about the same size as you.

As in height, and they can’t be too thin or too heavy.

I like hugging tall people though, second best.

I don’t like being alone anymore.

I used to, but I like being with people better now.

That makes me feel incredibly silly and insecure and dependent.

I hatehatehate feeling that way.

But I do.

So I can’t stand being alone.

I feel better if I’m with someone who makes me happy.

I love these people.

Someone who, when I’m with them, it seems like everything bad goes away.

The littlest and silliest things make me happy.

Pinkie Pie?

Waffles?

Mercy Spice and Christian Holiano?

Popsicles? Especially raspberry?

They seem really silly, and people laugh.

(And call me a second grader.) =]

But these things make me smile, like a clever verse from one of my favorite songs.

I live off music.

Songs help me get through anything bad that happens.

I can have one line from one song stuck in my head that will repeat over and over, or a whole song that I’ve heard so many times it’s memorized, but either way, having something stuck in my head makes me feel stronger.

CDs are amazing.

Performances can be either fabulous or terrible.

They don’t sound the same as CDs.

Hearing something live is the absolute best though, because you can feel the bass from the song, and it’s so loud.

It goes right through you.

It seems like too much at first, but it’s really incredible.

I’m not sure how to finish this off, really, because this all seems so…unlike me.

But I was being totally honest through out the whole thing.

So, please, don’t mind what I’m trying to say, because I’m, I’m being honest.

Cartel-Honestly

Last Day of Classes

We did absolutely nothing at all today.
Homeroom- Everyone was passing around yearbooks, because we just got them yesterday. We also had soda. Yum.
Spanish- Um. Let's just go with Marcy Spice and Christian Holiano are amazing. No lie right there. All true.
Computer- Nothing. Abbey and I donated rice, Raquizzle and Laura finished religion stuff, Amy and Lizzie came up with a plan, Edy looked at the weather and looked up the Johnson Brothers and Emma....Emma googled Chase Crawford. We were very productive.
Science- We watched a little bit of Ice Age, but then I decided to go see the other classes Spanish plays. They were pretty rad. Diondra got tattoos, Kelly loves cute boys, Dylan stole tape, Macy took people to the bathroom. Dylan and Ashley wore pretty dresses, Alyssa was Hannah Montana, and um...how could I forget?? Ellie was an emo kid. She wore her hair down!! Then Senora goes and disses our class three times. Hannah and I were just like, 'that's not cool, man.' So then later I was like 'I love your class, even though you're better at EVERYTHING, especially spanish and math.....'
English- I went to help teachers move stuff. Boring.
So yeah, funniest part of today was science, until we got dissed. Oh, and when I did that really cool jump thing. See, Ellie came out of her religion class so we were like talking and then I'm like 'We should go.' So I jumped up and hit the top of the doorway, and totally fell on the ground, and like everyone in Ellie's class could see, so they were all staring at me! So I like got up and walked down the hallway and Ellie's behind me cracking up. It was wicked funny. But It was the last day of classes, so whoever isn't in my class I'm not going to see almost at all now. It's almost summer....and I can't wait, but I'll miss most of the people from school. Not all of them though :] Science tomorrow. Heard it was wicked hard. Lots of stuff about fungi. Gag me with a spoon.
xoxo

Don't Drink Dr. Pepper

Hahh today was really long...thank god it was Friday! We only had a four day week put it seemed wicked long.
Homeroom-Ellie was really mean again today. Hmph. We got in a tiff again. She's so mean to me this week.
Computer-ANOTHER FIRE DRILL! AHHHHH! I think we were pretty good. I stole Greta's headband. It looked pretty bangin on me. But then she took it back. Ellie's class kept giving us dirty looks. Again. They're so mean sometimes!
Science-We dissected lilies. Pretty fun. Loved it. I took Ashley's and Lizzie's flowers and put them in my pony tail! It looked pretty rad. Then Laura had flower petals in her hair and she put some in Greta's hair too and they looked amazing. But the actual dissection part was actually fun. Loved how Laura was like 'Shut up Alana!' When I clarified that the teacher was talking about the flower and not her and Greta.
Lunch-I honestly don't remember anything. No lie. Hm...I wonder.....
English-Went to the library with some amazing people. Amy showed all of us her house. Again. Megan did her word search. When we got back to class we worked on our english plays. Laura subbed in for Elizah for a little while, because she and Hannah are out again.
Spanish-WE ♥ DIAPERS! OHEMGEE SO FUNNY! Senora wore a diaper on her head, and Emily did too. [Once Hayley emails me the picture, I'll post it.] Worked on our spanish plays. Mercy Spice and Christian Holiano are in ours. Yeahhhh.
After school-Don't you dare drink Dr. Pepper! Mariana says it's really bad for you. Like, really. No lie. Hmmmm fun though. Ellie and I saw Johnathan and I told him I was a ninja and that I did karate. [Apparently, he does too.]
Fun day. :]
xoxo
And look at think pretty picture Laura made me of Jas! [Dad says he's probably bringing her Saturday, so if you live near me and want to see her call me and maybee we can make it work.]

Twice !

Hahahaa today was so random. I don't remember doing much....
Homeroom- Ellie is such a twit. She's really mean to me. But, on the bright side, Taylor makes a lovely psychiatrist. But, on the bad side, another lizard died, but on the good side, Hannah isn't sick anymore! But...Elizah is, so that's not good.
Study- Boring as usual. Went to the library. Just kinda sat in the window in front of the religious books. We didn't even need to go, but we do anyway because study just gets soooooo boring! And I need to go for little walks every once in a while, or else I'll get restless. But I got that bear Abby gave me back! [Mercy Spice's cousin.] I think his name is Christian Holiano. But I don't know yet. [Yes, Laura came up with that too. Thinking outside the box!!]
History- Megan and Rosa presented their projects and then we watched a video while working on our maps. Not too exciting. Oh wait! We had a fire drill. So we're standing there and Laura's like 'Where's our class?' and Lizzie's like 'They're not here.' So Lizzie like raises her hand really high and shes like 'WE'RE LOST!' It was sooo funny. So what really happened was half of our class went to the front of the building, half went in front of the gym [that would be our group], and only Julia went to the right place because the teachers told her where to go, because she's on crutches. So then we get yelled at because apparently, we were supposed to go behind the gym. Oh, well. We were close enough, and no one died, so who cares?
Lunch- Can't she ever buy her own lunch? Oh, and then Greta has to go and talk about Buffy....I didn't need to hear that, not while eating. Or at all.....
Religion- Hayley prayed for Jazzy! Yay! [I would like today thank you to all the people who prayed for her last class, ie, Edy, Lizzie, and Amy.] Sister P keeps snubbing Laura! I felt really bad. Abbey threw her pen at me. Rudely, I would like to point out. We still didn't finish Sandlot. But we're pretty close to the end, I think. A bunch of us were sitting on the floor and I can hear Amanda behind me and shes like 'Aww, that dog is so cute!!' And I'm like 'Amanda, he's supposed to be vicious.' Amy did a lovely mime thing in front of the class after she got a tan from standing in front of the window.
Math- Some probability worksheet. Boring. BUT WAIT! We have another fire drill! And the class manages to stay together this time! So we go to the back of the gym, all proud of ourselves acting all hyper in front of the little kids, like normal. But then we're like 'Wait. Where are the teachers?' So we go back inside and the teacher is all 'You guys were wonderful!' So I'm like 'Were we in the wrong place?' And she's like 'Yeah, you were supposed to be in front of the gym' So everyones like 'ARE YOU SERIOUS?' Because we had gotten yelled at for going in the front! It was quite funny.
But other that that?? Nothing much. Probably a lot of other stuff happened that I can't remember.