I adore this girl

Greta has made my day today. A million times over.
"so Riley and Buffy the WHOLE episode are in his bed. just gettin' it AWNN. haha. but they can't help it cuz its a curse. "
My day is now complete.
<33

Talk To Me, I Talk Back

Is it just me or does this sound better when Nickasaur! does it?

I adore him.

Snow day today! They called off school at like, 11 last night, so I got to sleep in. I've been listening to 3OH!3, Lady Gaga, and this kid named Chance who does covers of really good songs on YouTube. I'm also doing laundry. GOD I am so boring. I wanna go out and do something but I doubt I can get out of the driveway. Finished season 4 of Buffy last night! Very anti-climactic. Maybe I'll update later if anything fun happens.
<3

When you love someone, & they break your heart; don’t give up on love

I honestly believe that Nick Jonas is Superman.
Joe Jonas is impossible not to love.
Kevin Jonas has a sparkly guitar.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I like them a lot better than before.

Baby, could you blow my heart up?

Listening to Lady Gaga; waiting for Emma.
I want to go to the mall (NOW).
Greta and Lizzie are going toooo.
I'm upset because I got the update for Tap Tap....but all my downloaded songs got deleted.
I think I'm either going to wait to go to the Apple store to get them, or walk to the end of thew street and get them now.
.....
NOW.
Maybe I'll straighten my hair too?
<3

Ice

I borrowed Laura's iPod in homeroom to listen to Losin' It like, a bajillion times in a row. Spanish was fun. Ashley learned about 3OH!3 and where it got its name. We watched a movie! Lizzie and Laura both like, tickle attacked me until I was legit on the ground. English was whatever. We couldn't talk in art, but it was still okay. Chessy drew me a picture in study! In computer Amy pretty much did my thing for me. Lizzie kept tickling me again. Bus ride home was the usual. We went over a huge bump and the high school kids yelled at us for being "loud". Laura and I were holding on for LIFE though thank god.
It's now 9 and I spent about the last 4 hours making a wish list from Hot Topic. (♥ Hello Kitty stuff is there.) The total came out to almost 700 dollars, but the word is WISH list.

Emma is coming down tomorrow...we're going Providence Place. Come say hiiii.
xxoo

Frenulum

I'm at the office of the place where they're going to cut my frenulum. I'm sitting next to a potted plant so fake its leaves are fraying, and next to a girl with a night ponytail. It's in the house turned office of a cute loser kid Mom liked when she was little. I'm so bored.
Going to buy sour gummy worms later, tap tap now.
xo

CHESSY POO <3

Can I just say that I love Chessy?
She totally re-did my blog.
(Isn't it cute?)
The background, the about me, the sidebar.
It's adorable.
We're currently obsessing over a pair of Hello Kitty underwear.
(I just spelled underwear wrong. Ahahaa.)
I ADORE Hello Kitty.
I just made Nola a thing that says happy birthday Nola and it has Hello Kitty on it.
(Nola's birthday is tomorrow.)
But now Chessy like, left.
But I just wanted to say that she's amazing.
(This is what she looks like.)

<3

I know this is a fast and crazy connection

I missed you. I missed you tons.
Things are different. Things are the same. Things are crazy. Things are amazing.
Right now I'm obsessed with Facebook. It's pretty much my life. So is Tap Tap Revenge. Laura and I are playing it all the time. I LOVE HER.
Chessy brought me a little plastic croc key chain back from Hawaii. It's ugly and cute all at the same time.
Greta has money from England. It's got birds and women and hairy men on it.
Lizzie got her braces off and her retainer is retarded lines "zebra".
Abby flipped off our bus driver after she made me hit my head.
Hannah keeps trying to do my mascara. She's very good at it.
I don't even remember what else.
My iPod has over 2,000 songs.

This song is my life right now...Laura showed it to me. It's by Fallbrooke and its called Losin' It.

It's addictive.
xxoo

heY ALaNaP0O_

(: it's the new thinG .

(yo0 name) POO♥

alana's tired.

i said goodbye on the phone bc she should sleep.

but she's not going too, she likes facebook too much.☺

but she's a new facebooker so it's okay.

do you know who's hair looked great today ??

Lizzie's.

It had this amazing hat on top of it(:

One Of THOSE Nights

Obviously, I've bought The Cab's new cd. I love it.
Happy New Year I guess. Twenty oh nine, as Sister P would say.
Nothing has happened. Everything has happened.
I don't know what to say anymore. When I do know, I don't know how to say it.
I don't think I'm going to blog anymore.
Maybe this is a lie, maybe I'll go back to that hellhole tomorrow, and something amazing will happen and I'll have to blog about it.
The odds of this happening aren't good.
If I do decide to blog again, I have no idea what it will be about.
Maybe I'll make it private, so only certain people can view it.
I'm indecisive. I don't know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once things are said, you can't take them back.
You can try, and maybe things will work out.
But they were still said. They were still out there.
Words kill. They hurt.
Even ones that you don't think will.
Words are two-faced. They have double meanings.
It all depends on how they're said.
I hate that this whole thing has happened.
You know what thing.
And I hate myself for not knowing what to do about it.
Or what to say, and when to say it.
About not knowing how to feel.
But I wanted to say thankyou to everyone who apologized.
Everyone who tried to fix it.
Everyone who knew what to try to do.
Everyone who knew what to say, whether it helped the situation and was said publicly, or whether it made someone feel better and was said privately.
I'm sorry too. It's late, I know. But I wasn't sure how to address things.
And I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow at school.
I know that I've missed some people like CRAZY.
And I know I'm going to need a solid hug from someone.
Because that might help.
But part of me doesn't want that.
Part of me doesn't want to go in tomorrow and go down the hallway and hug everyone I've missed insanely for the past two weeks.
Part of me doesn't want to hug or see or be near anyone, like I would on a normal day.
Part of me wants to go in tomorrow and just stay locked in the bathroom stall all homeroom and hide and cry.
Honestly, that's what might end up happening. Because it is really hard to not cry without closing your eyes or blinking fast like a spaz.
Part of me is scared as hell to go there tomorrow and see everyone. Because all I can think of is "Where Do We Go From Here?" from that musical Buffy episode.
That's all I can think of for more people than you'd think.
Because I'm not sure I'll know what to say to anyone. I feel like I'll freeze. I'll be stuck.
I'm a fucking mess.
I need help taking everything away, to keep it off my mind, and usually being with some people from school would stop that.
But now, I'm not sure what I need.
Because I'm insecure as hell.
I can't sleep at night. Even if I do, I'm always tired. No matter what.
I hate feeling cut off from people.
I have all the lights possible on in my room right now. It seems dark without it.
I can't stand it at home, but I don't want to go anywhere else either.
I hate thinking about things.
I don't want to be around people, or I feel like I don't anyways.
But maybe when I actually am, I'll feel better.
I hate some people.
But I love others.
I don't know whats going to happen tomorrow.
I don't know how I'm going to keep everything in.
Like crying. I don't know how I'm going to appear happy.
I don't know if I'll come back here.
But I don't know if I can. I'm not sure how I feel about blogging anymore.
That thing kind of ruined it, it feels heavy now.
I'm trying so hard not to feel any of this, because that's how I deal.
I ignore things, I try not to feel them.
I act like I don't care, when on the inside I'm really falling apart.
But its coming in, all of it. I'm not holding it out well enough.
I'm a shitty friend.
I'm jealous.
I'm bitchy.
I'm worried.
I'm lost.
I'm insecure.
I'm scared.
I don't know what to do.

D&d's

The ususal.

Jasmine's adorable.

Although sometimes annoying.

Blizz is just in a bad mood.

But she's cute.

Did a video chat with Lizzie yesterday.

She doesn't talk. Weirdo. <3

I got to see my 3rd and 4th favorite cats though, Oscar and Lila.

Superfun. =]

xxoo

What's Not To Adore?

NeverShoutNever!

Trouble. ^ So good. Lizzie showed it to me. It's really amazing.

Not much is happening.

Jas pushed me over a gate. The gate broke.

xxoo.

Catching Up

Happy birthday Hayley Williams [lead singer of Paramore].

And because I missed so many birthday posts...

Happy birthday Amy, Alana, and Rian Dawson [the drummer or All Time Low].
xxoo

I'm Not One For Love Songs

Mall today.
Delia's gift card. =]
&& PACSUN too !
And Target, but they don't have one in this mall.
Update later.
iloveyouu..

Addicted <3

I'm here with Steven.

And we're like, having seizures.
It's pretty fun.
And listening to Addicted, by Saving Abel.
And he's bowling now.
He wants me to add how it's on his iPod.
HE GOT A SPARE.
I have no idea what that means, but he sounds happy about it.
He needs to pull his pants up.
He's weird.
His sister, Jessica, kills him at night, with a feather and a glass starfish.
She loves Selena Gomez.
I told her that Miley Cyrus was fun too.
We're watching a Panic! At The Disco music video now.
He's getting mad at me now.
I'm "going to make him cry."
So I'll update later.
xxoo

Didn't Get A Damn Thing From My Christmas List

The Maine never disappoints.
'Santa Stole My Girlfriend' from their new EP '...And A Happy New Year.'
My favorite Christmas song.
I want this EP so bad.
There's three other Christmas songs on it, and although I usually don't like them, The Maine is too amazing to pass up.
Merry Christmas day. Hope it's nice.
I'll try to update later.
xxoo

One Year.

One year.
Three hundred and sixty five days.
Five hundred, twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes.
I love you so much.
And I miss you more than words could ever show.
Merry Christmas.

Or Happy Hannukah.

Whichever one you'd rather celebrate.
[Regardless of your religion.]
iloveyou.
xoxoxo

Please, Don't Mind What I'm Trying To Say Because I'm, I'm Being Honest

Emily & yoga today.

Emily makes me think and yoga give me too much time to think about too much.

She says I have to use “I statements” and so I was thinking about that in yoga.

And I came up with way to much, in no order.

But here’s what some of it was.

I’m a mess.

I’m totally scatterbrained.

I can’t remember things.

If something happens I’ll have to think about it for a long time before addressing it.

I’ll worry about it indefinitely.

I’ll think “what if…” a lot, and that makes me worry even more.

If something happens and it’s my fault, I’ll feel absolutely terrible about it.

If something happens that’s not really my fault, I’ll find a way to look at it so that it is.

That’s a bad habit, like biting my nails, but I keep doing it.

I know it’s bad, and that people might take advantage of it, but I trust people too much.

I only really, really trust about 5 or 6 people.

I’d only tell anything to about 3 of them.

I only trust one of them more than anything.

I cry far too much.

I don’t like crying in front of people, at all.

I have cried in front of people that I wouldn’t have chosen to cry in front of.

There are 2 people I’d cry in front of anytime.

Sometimes I cry over things that people think are stupid.

I cry when I watch Rent.

But I don’t think that’s a stupid reason, no matter what anyone else says.

I hold things in.

But I’ll be honest with almost anyone, as long as they me to be.

It’s not that I lie to people.

It’s just if I don’t feel like taking about something, or I can’t talk about it I’ll brush it off.

But if someone asks me to be honest, I will be.

I don’t know how to say things some of the time.

I won’t know how to put what I’m feeling into words.

And sometimes I can’t, and that makes me really frustrated.

Especially when it makes someone else think that I don’t want to tell them.

Then I just feel bad, because of course that’s not true.

Hugs always make me feel better.

Hugs are best if the person you’re hugging is about the same size as you.

As in height, and they can’t be too thin or too heavy.

I like hugging tall people though, second best.

I don’t like being alone anymore.

I used to, but I like being with people better now.

That makes me feel incredibly silly and insecure and dependent.

I hatehatehate feeling that way.

But I do.

So I can’t stand being alone.

I feel better if I’m with someone who makes me happy.

I love these people.

Someone who, when I’m with them, it seems like everything bad goes away.

The littlest and silliest things make me happy.

Pinkie Pie?

Waffles?

Mercy Spice and Christian Holiano?

Popsicles? Especially raspberry?

They seem really silly, and people laugh.

(And call me a second grader.) =]

But these things make me smile, like a clever verse from one of my favorite songs.

I live off music.

Songs help me get through anything bad that happens.

I can have one line from one song stuck in my head that will repeat over and over, or a whole song that I’ve heard so many times it’s memorized, but either way, having something stuck in my head makes me feel stronger.

CDs are amazing.

Performances can be either fabulous or terrible.

They don’t sound the same as CDs.

Hearing something live is the absolute best though, because you can feel the bass from the song, and it’s so loud.

It goes right through you.

It seems like too much at first, but it’s really incredible.

I’m not sure how to finish this off, really, because this all seems so…unlike me.

But I was being totally honest through out the whole thing.

So, please, don’t mind what I’m trying to say, because I’m, I’m being honest.

Cartel-Honestly

I Can't Even Think Of a Suitible Title For This.

Leave.
It.
Alone.
I'm sick of this.
Of all of it.
Of so many people.
Of all the stuff it's caused.
Of all the things people have said.
Of everything that's come of it.
And I don't understand some of it.
And it seems like no one gets that.
And some of it just makes me so upset.

CALIFORNIA?





of course not.

Wish You Were Here ?

That's fersure.
Cameras working again.
Out today.
I'll update later.
♥patron!♥