<3

people look at me funny when i say this;
so i don't say it often:
you're my big sister.
you've always been there, always.
we don't always get along, but i love you beyond belief.
13 wonderful years; and now it's changing.
we used to play when we were little and that never changed.
this house will be too empty without you.
i have so many memories of you; with you; about you.
i'll never loose them.
i love you forever&always.

OH KELSEY.

you look tired. i'm gonna make you a card cuz i promised you i would. i'm gonna make you one now, what do you mean i can't make you one? really? why did i just take out my phone? when you think tim mcgraw, i hope think my favorite song. we can change it if you want, what are you talking about? oh i remember her. i always tell you you have an exciting like and you're like uh uh uh. what? cuz they're all out. huh? no. cuz i got in trouble. i sucked at math. are you doing that thing again? really? really chessie really? this is my whole myspace thing. i hope you think that little white dress when you think tim mc graw i hope you think of me. uh uh. you have really pretty hair yeah yeah. CHESSY NO ONES GONNA LIKE THIS. JUST STOP IT. YOU JUST SPELLED IT WITH A Y. WOULD YOU? COULD YOU? why did i just look at lizzie when i said that? that happens to me too. so sad.

well hello there little fella. shuv it up your ass, mexico times texas equals tabasco suace lalalalalala RAHHH


i have great friends. they make me smile. no one makes me smile more(:

<3 missed this shizz.

I adore this girl

Greta has made my day today. A million times over.
"so Riley and Buffy the WHOLE episode are in his bed. just gettin' it AWNN. haha. but they can't help it cuz its a curse. "
My day is now complete.
<33

Talk To Me, I Talk Back

Is it just me or does this sound better when Nickasaur! does it?

I adore him.

Snow day today! They called off school at like, 11 last night, so I got to sleep in. I've been listening to 3OH!3, Lady Gaga, and this kid named Chance who does covers of really good songs on YouTube. I'm also doing laundry. GOD I am so boring. I wanna go out and do something but I doubt I can get out of the driveway. Finished season 4 of Buffy last night! Very anti-climactic. Maybe I'll update later if anything fun happens.
<3

When you love someone, & they break your heart; don’t give up on love

I honestly believe that Nick Jonas is Superman.
Joe Jonas is impossible not to love.
Kevin Jonas has a sparkly guitar.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I like them a lot better than before.

Baby, could you blow my heart up?

Listening to Lady Gaga; waiting for Emma.
I want to go to the mall (NOW).
Greta and Lizzie are going toooo.
I'm upset because I got the update for Tap Tap....but all my downloaded songs got deleted.
I think I'm either going to wait to go to the Apple store to get them, or walk to the end of thew street and get them now.
.....
NOW.
Maybe I'll straighten my hair too?
<3

Ice

I borrowed Laura's iPod in homeroom to listen to Losin' It like, a bajillion times in a row. Spanish was fun. Ashley learned about 3OH!3 and where it got its name. We watched a movie! Lizzie and Laura both like, tickle attacked me until I was legit on the ground. English was whatever. We couldn't talk in art, but it was still okay. Chessy drew me a picture in study! In computer Amy pretty much did my thing for me. Lizzie kept tickling me again. Bus ride home was the usual. We went over a huge bump and the high school kids yelled at us for being "loud". Laura and I were holding on for LIFE though thank god.
It's now 9 and I spent about the last 4 hours making a wish list from Hot Topic. (♥ Hello Kitty stuff is there.) The total came out to almost 700 dollars, but the word is WISH list.

Emma is coming down tomorrow...we're going Providence Place. Come say hiiii.
xxoo

Frenulum

I'm at the office of the place where they're going to cut my frenulum. I'm sitting next to a potted plant so fake its leaves are fraying, and next to a girl with a night ponytail. It's in the house turned office of a cute loser kid Mom liked when she was little. I'm so bored.
Going to buy sour gummy worms later, tap tap now.
xo

CHESSY POO <3

Can I just say that I love Chessy?
She totally re-did my blog.
(Isn't it cute?)
The background, the about me, the sidebar.
It's adorable.
We're currently obsessing over a pair of Hello Kitty underwear.
(I just spelled underwear wrong. Ahahaa.)
I ADORE Hello Kitty.
I just made Nola a thing that says happy birthday Nola and it has Hello Kitty on it.
(Nola's birthday is tomorrow.)
But now Chessy like, left.
But I just wanted to say that she's amazing.
(This is what she looks like.)

<3

I know this is a fast and crazy connection

I missed you. I missed you tons.
Things are different. Things are the same. Things are crazy. Things are amazing.
Right now I'm obsessed with Facebook. It's pretty much my life. So is Tap Tap Revenge. Laura and I are playing it all the time. I LOVE HER.
Chessy brought me a little plastic croc key chain back from Hawaii. It's ugly and cute all at the same time.
Greta has money from England. It's got birds and women and hairy men on it.
Lizzie got her braces off and her retainer is retarded lines "zebra".
Abby flipped off our bus driver after she made me hit my head.
Hannah keeps trying to do my mascara. She's very good at it.
I don't even remember what else.
My iPod has over 2,000 songs.

This song is my life right now...Laura showed it to me. It's by Fallbrooke and its called Losin' It.

It's addictive.
xxoo

heY ALaNaP0O_

(: it's the new thinG .

(yo0 name) POO♥

alana's tired.

i said goodbye on the phone bc she should sleep.

but she's not going too, she likes facebook too much.☺

but she's a new facebooker so it's okay.

do you know who's hair looked great today ??

Lizzie's.

It had this amazing hat on top of it(:

One Of THOSE Nights

Obviously, I've bought The Cab's new cd. I love it.
Happy New Year I guess. Twenty oh nine, as Sister P would say.
Nothing has happened. Everything has happened.
I don't know what to say anymore. When I do know, I don't know how to say it.
I don't think I'm going to blog anymore.
Maybe this is a lie, maybe I'll go back to that hellhole tomorrow, and something amazing will happen and I'll have to blog about it.
The odds of this happening aren't good.
If I do decide to blog again, I have no idea what it will be about.
Maybe I'll make it private, so only certain people can view it.
I'm indecisive. I don't know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once things are said, you can't take them back.
You can try, and maybe things will work out.
But they were still said. They were still out there.
Words kill. They hurt.
Even ones that you don't think will.
Words are two-faced. They have double meanings.
It all depends on how they're said.
I hate that this whole thing has happened.
You know what thing.
And I hate myself for not knowing what to do about it.
Or what to say, and when to say it.
About not knowing how to feel.
But I wanted to say thankyou to everyone who apologized.
Everyone who tried to fix it.
Everyone who knew what to try to do.
Everyone who knew what to say, whether it helped the situation and was said publicly, or whether it made someone feel better and was said privately.
I'm sorry too. It's late, I know. But I wasn't sure how to address things.
And I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow at school.
I know that I've missed some people like CRAZY.
And I know I'm going to need a solid hug from someone.
Because that might help.
But part of me doesn't want that.
Part of me doesn't want to go in tomorrow and go down the hallway and hug everyone I've missed insanely for the past two weeks.
Part of me doesn't want to hug or see or be near anyone, like I would on a normal day.
Part of me wants to go in tomorrow and just stay locked in the bathroom stall all homeroom and hide and cry.
Honestly, that's what might end up happening. Because it is really hard to not cry without closing your eyes or blinking fast like a spaz.
Part of me is scared as hell to go there tomorrow and see everyone. Because all I can think of is "Where Do We Go From Here?" from that musical Buffy episode.
That's all I can think of for more people than you'd think.
Because I'm not sure I'll know what to say to anyone. I feel like I'll freeze. I'll be stuck.
I'm a fucking mess.
I need help taking everything away, to keep it off my mind, and usually being with some people from school would stop that.
But now, I'm not sure what I need.
Because I'm insecure as hell.
I can't sleep at night. Even if I do, I'm always tired. No matter what.
I hate feeling cut off from people.
I have all the lights possible on in my room right now. It seems dark without it.
I can't stand it at home, but I don't want to go anywhere else either.
I hate thinking about things.
I don't want to be around people, or I feel like I don't anyways.
But maybe when I actually am, I'll feel better.
I hate some people.
But I love others.
I don't know whats going to happen tomorrow.
I don't know how I'm going to keep everything in.
Like crying. I don't know how I'm going to appear happy.
I don't know if I'll come back here.
But I don't know if I can. I'm not sure how I feel about blogging anymore.
That thing kind of ruined it, it feels heavy now.
I'm trying so hard not to feel any of this, because that's how I deal.
I ignore things, I try not to feel them.
I act like I don't care, when on the inside I'm really falling apart.
But its coming in, all of it. I'm not holding it out well enough.
I'm a shitty friend.
I'm jealous.
I'm bitchy.
I'm worried.
I'm lost.
I'm insecure.
I'm scared.
I don't know what to do.